Somewhere inside he told himself this was still just a dream. Jacob wasn't really here holding him, and he was just dreaming again. But the heat of that loose wrap felt a little more real than any dream.

He wanted to apologize for not being strong, especially right now. Jacob was worried enough and he didn't need to add to it. Heavens knew he tried to bottle all of his grief up when Jacob had left and that had him seek Nida sensei out and give himself something to do in order to be able to grow stronger, especially since Nida had been practically his only link to Jacob. There too had been the vain hope that Jacob would come back someday and maybe he wouldn't die here again because Yuki would be able protect and save him this time.

And now here he was, crying and clinging to the other as if he were a lifeline of sorts. All of his grief and everything he'd been bottling for nearly a year came spilling out even as he still fought to halt it because he didn't want to worry Jacob or make him feel bad for something beyond his control. So it took him more than a few minutes to quiet himself down a little more although he hadn't been loud to begin with really.

Finally he very reluctantly let go of the fistfuls of shirt and jacket and kept his gaze averted as he tried to sit back. "I'm sorry." Sorry for crying, sorry for making Jacob worry and adding to his already heavy burdens.

And then the tea kettle went off, so he had to try and wipe his tears away as fast as he could so that he could see a little clearer.